Well suffice to say the gymnastic trials yesterday did not go well.
The SA team manager Mrs Initially Really Quite Nice, said my floor work was not bad, not great, not good even, but not bad!
So I thought , ‘Well here we go! This is it. I’m in! ‘
She then explained that as an Olympic gymnast I would have to be versatile and do more than one thing at a time in the competition.
She stopped me as I started to sing, Whitney’s ‘I’m every woman, It’s all in me’ and doing high kicks, arm extensions while bouncing a giant gym ball as I marched around the mat.
‘No, no what I mean is..,’ Mrs Quite Nice shouted above the backtrack, ‘What I mean is you will also have to work the bar…’
I interrupted her and said, ‘That’s great! Watch this!’ and started to show her how I can juggle three oranges and said I could also do this while making a ice-cream Coke float.
She asked two male competitors to bring me and who sat me down at her desk.
‘No Barry!’ she said.
I said, ‘Its Larry, I mean Lawrence but please call me La!’
‘Okay then LA, now listen up!’
Mrs Quite Nice started to sound more like Mrs Quite Firm.
‘La, as a male competitor you have to be able to do high bar, parallel bars, rings, vault, pommel horse, AND floor.’
‘You’re kidding me right?’ I laughed.
‘No La,’ she went on, ‘And as a female –its vault, uneven bars, balance beam, and again the floor.’
‘But I am very scared of heights!’ I replied, ‘could they lower the rings a bit and …’
Before I could finish, she nodded to the two male gymnasts who started to carry me out of the hall. Mrs Quite Nice walked with us to the exit.
She shook my head and said, ‘Thanks so much for your support and interest, but it’s a ‘No’ from me …’
I looked up at the two muscled guys on either side of me,
‘That’s three ‘No’s La!’ the blonde one said.
I think the sun was helluva bright because as I walked out into the Olympic village, I found myself having to squint to be able to see properly.
But as I sat down on a bench and watched the athletes from all over the world stream past , I just managed to just see a hotdog and chip stand with a sign that said ‘Staff wanted!’
Perhaps I could still be part of the games…..
To be continued ... like now now….
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script © 2012 Lawrence Hilton
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